God is Speaking

I haven’t blogged in what seems like forever but I’ve felt the urge to do so over the past couple of days and so here I am.

Wondering where I was and how I’d gotten back to a place I thought I’d left never to return, I realized I was stuck in a rut. While trying to figure out what God wanted me to do next, ever so quietly I'd slipped back into living life mostly for myself- the monotonous routine of waking up everyday, going to work just hoping for it to be over, and the next day to be done even quicker. Praying that somehow God would would tell me what to do next.

I’ve been aching for something more. Aching to find the place where I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing; doing what I’m destined for. My heart is being pulled in so many directions that I feel I'm just stuck in the intersection wondering which way to turn. As I’ve been struggling I’ve slowly started to draw closer to God and over the past few weeks He’s been speaking to me in so many ways. My mind has been overwhelmed with His revelations and goodness.

Last night I went to church downtown (More Than 12) with my sisters and a friend. The pastor spoke about the story in the bible where Jesus walks on water. He spoke words that were very real, very new and relatable to me. It was almost as if He was preaching specifically to me. As He put the pieces together I became aware of something that’s been stopping me from living life in the way Jesus wants. Fear. How could something I’ve conquered so many times suddenly overtake me again and so sneakily? While I was on my missions trip fear was something I needed to conquer often. I had loving teammates who nudged me forward, held my hand, cheered me on and then rejoiced with me. Although it wasn’t easy I constantly laid aside my fear and asked for Jesus to step in and lead me forward. I saw and experienced God in so many new ways. Often times I realized what I’d been afraid of all along was really nothing to be afraid of at all but something that I actually enjoyed. But somehow, since being home, that fear had grabbed a hold of me once more.

One of the points in the sermon was the fact that only one of the disciples got out of the boat. They were all scared of the storm and being in the boat and yet they were also afraid of getting out of it and stepping onto the water. They didn’t like where they were, yet were afraid to move forward. That’s how I’ve felt. I haven’t exactly liked where I am but in some ways I’ve been afraid to move forward into the unknown.

A thought came to me on the way home from my Young Adults group tonight. Satan is more than happy to have us waiting for God to tell us what we should do with our lives, or where to go next and He is going to do all He can to keep us in that place. I feel like satan twists our own words. He takes them from being a beautiful act of trust and then attacks us with fear so that we’re afraid to step out and go where we think God might be leading. (I’m not saying it’s bad to wait on the Lord for leading- I think it’s wonderful but examine your heart to see if satan might be taking advantage of your situation.)

Honestly, I do want Gods will for my life and oftentimes I feel like God is placing so many different options in front of me that I get confused and don’t know where to go. So I wait hoping that God will be more specific and just choose one for me, partly because I’m scared I’ll pick the “wrong thing”. What if God does want us to choose what we do with our lives? Psalm 37:4 says, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  To me, taking delight in the Lord means taking delight in His character and His heart. So as we do that our hearts are being lined up with His, they are being filled with pure dreams, passions and desires and He wants to give us those desires! He WANTS to give us the desires our hearts! So here’s the thing- if you love God and seek to please Him and what your heart desires is something that lines up with the bible and will bring glory to Jesus’ name, how could that be the wrong thing? I feel God is calling us to step out in faith. He can use us in any and every situation. If we try something and that isn’t the direction He wants us, He won’t let it happen and instead bring something else along for us. Who convinced us that we shouldn’t try out different leads in case of things not working out? All things- not some things- ALL things work together for good for those who love Him.  (Romans 8:28) Trying something isn’t a failure, it’s a victory. A victory because you stepped out in faith, desiring to be where you think God wants you. A victory because He uses every situation for good and in turn brings glory to His name.

God has already given us PURPOSE for our lives. If you want specific, here is specific, it’s to love Him with our whole hearts, to love our neighbors as ourselves, to serve others and to bring His kingdom on earth. Loving Jesus and the people around us with everything we have is our calling. That should be our “career”, our goal, our passion. What could more fulfilling than that?

I know this is long, so if you’re reading this I hope I’ve been able to transfer what is in my heart onto the “paper” in a way that makes sense to you (please keep in mind that as I'm finishing this it is now 1:15 am lol)  The reason i want to share all of this because when God puts these things in my heart I can’t help but do so. I pray for His blessings and leading in your life.