Feeling Blessed

After a random act of kindness- a coffee date with a sweet friend- and some insight into who I've become over the past little while, I am feeling very blessed.

Feeling blessed is kind of ironic considering the random act of kindness made me feel guilty about how I've been living, the heart to heart with my friend inspired me to be the opposite of who I've been lately and the insight has shown me that I haven't been a very nice person lately, or one I've ever wanted to be but here I am.

Reasons for being thankful:

Although feeling convicted, I'm reminded of how special and important it is to go out of your way to do something for someone else- unexpected and undeserved.

I have a wonderful friend who reminds me of the person I am created to be and inspires me to find my way there again and reminds me of the deep, unconditional love that Jesus has for me and all of us.

Even though I drift away from God and follow my own agenda without giving Him a second thought, He never lefts me drift too far away before reminds me of the person I really am and calls me back, giving me more chances than I ever deserve to become who He created me to be. Though I am so unworthy of His love, never has He once made me feel that way, ever so the opposite.

I have the most amazing fiance whom I can never thank God enough for. I don't know how I got so lucky, well there is no way I could ever get that lucky- I know it was something way bigger than "luck" it was God.


I have not been my best self lately. For a long while. Suddenly yet without notice I slipped into a mentality that I really don't care for and goes against what I believe and should be living for. I'm going to start putting my foot down to myself.


Ephesians 4:22-24 tells us to put of our old way of life which is being corrupted with deceitful desires and to have a new attitude of our minds. It doesn't say our mind is corrupted, it say it is being corrupted. It's a constant battle, not a one time occasion. An attitude is something we have to choose based on the events that happen in our lives even within minutes. 1 Peter 5:8 says be alert (fully aware and attentive; wide-awake; an attitude of vigilance, readiness, or caution, as before an expected attack), and of sober mind. Usually when I think of sober mind, my thoughts just assume it means don't get drunk but if you think about it, sober means not intoxicated. Liquor isn't the only thing we can be intoxicated by. We can let relationships, habits, addictions, or the world's way of living begin to intoxicate and control our lives and it seems to happen without us even realizing it, whether it seems harmful or not. So why does God tell us to be alert and not intoxicated? Because "your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour". The devil isn't enticing you with things that go against God's carefully planned out guidelines for us because he wants you to have fun living life your own way, he does it because he wants to devour you like a lion! That doesn't not sound like fun to me. He wants to destroy your life without you even realizing what's happening before it's too late. WE NEED TO BE ALERT AND ON THE LOOK OUT. We should be expecting an attack. Even in Luke 21 it says to always be on the watch and pray that you may be able to escape what is about to happen. This is an ongoing theme and a serious matter. It's something we need to be actively doing. When we commit our lives to Jesus we aren't just instantly given a new mind and attitude, it's something we're challenged to work on and change- Something we need to seek every day, with every decision.

  The one who has your best interest at heart, who loves you more than anything doesn't want you to be tricked and fooled by the one seeking to destroy everything you are. BE ACTIVE!

God is Speaking

I haven’t blogged in what seems like forever but I’ve felt the urge to do so over the past couple of days and so here I am.

Wondering where I was and how I’d gotten back to a place I thought I’d left never to return, I realized I was stuck in a rut. While trying to figure out what God wanted me to do next, ever so quietly I'd slipped back into living life mostly for myself- the monotonous routine of waking up everyday, going to work just hoping for it to be over, and the next day to be done even quicker. Praying that somehow God would would tell me what to do next.

I’ve been aching for something more. Aching to find the place where I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing; doing what I’m destined for. My heart is being pulled in so many directions that I feel I'm just stuck in the intersection wondering which way to turn. As I’ve been struggling I’ve slowly started to draw closer to God and over the past few weeks He’s been speaking to me in so many ways. My mind has been overwhelmed with His revelations and goodness.

Last night I went to church downtown (More Than 12) with my sisters and a friend. The pastor spoke about the story in the bible where Jesus walks on water. He spoke words that were very real, very new and relatable to me. It was almost as if He was preaching specifically to me. As He put the pieces together I became aware of something that’s been stopping me from living life in the way Jesus wants. Fear. How could something I’ve conquered so many times suddenly overtake me again and so sneakily? While I was on my missions trip fear was something I needed to conquer often. I had loving teammates who nudged me forward, held my hand, cheered me on and then rejoiced with me. Although it wasn’t easy I constantly laid aside my fear and asked for Jesus to step in and lead me forward. I saw and experienced God in so many new ways. Often times I realized what I’d been afraid of all along was really nothing to be afraid of at all but something that I actually enjoyed. But somehow, since being home, that fear had grabbed a hold of me once more.

One of the points in the sermon was the fact that only one of the disciples got out of the boat. They were all scared of the storm and being in the boat and yet they were also afraid of getting out of it and stepping onto the water. They didn’t like where they were, yet were afraid to move forward. That’s how I’ve felt. I haven’t exactly liked where I am but in some ways I’ve been afraid to move forward into the unknown.

A thought came to me on the way home from my Young Adults group tonight. Satan is more than happy to have us waiting for God to tell us what we should do with our lives, or where to go next and He is going to do all He can to keep us in that place. I feel like satan twists our own words. He takes them from being a beautiful act of trust and then attacks us with fear so that we’re afraid to step out and go where we think God might be leading. (I’m not saying it’s bad to wait on the Lord for leading- I think it’s wonderful but examine your heart to see if satan might be taking advantage of your situation.)

Honestly, I do want Gods will for my life and oftentimes I feel like God is placing so many different options in front of me that I get confused and don’t know where to go. So I wait hoping that God will be more specific and just choose one for me, partly because I’m scared I’ll pick the “wrong thing”. What if God does want us to choose what we do with our lives? Psalm 37:4 says, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  To me, taking delight in the Lord means taking delight in His character and His heart. So as we do that our hearts are being lined up with His, they are being filled with pure dreams, passions and desires and He wants to give us those desires! He WANTS to give us the desires our hearts! So here’s the thing- if you love God and seek to please Him and what your heart desires is something that lines up with the bible and will bring glory to Jesus’ name, how could that be the wrong thing? I feel God is calling us to step out in faith. He can use us in any and every situation. If we try something and that isn’t the direction He wants us, He won’t let it happen and instead bring something else along for us. Who convinced us that we shouldn’t try out different leads in case of things not working out? All things- not some things- ALL things work together for good for those who love Him.  (Romans 8:28) Trying something isn’t a failure, it’s a victory. A victory because you stepped out in faith, desiring to be where you think God wants you. A victory because He uses every situation for good and in turn brings glory to His name.

God has already given us PURPOSE for our lives. If you want specific, here is specific, it’s to love Him with our whole hearts, to love our neighbors as ourselves, to serve others and to bring His kingdom on earth. Loving Jesus and the people around us with everything we have is our calling. That should be our “career”, our goal, our passion. What could more fulfilling than that?

I know this is long, so if you’re reading this I hope I’ve been able to transfer what is in my heart onto the “paper” in a way that makes sense to you (please keep in mind that as I'm finishing this it is now 1:15 am lol)  The reason i want to share all of this because when God puts these things in my heart I can’t help but do so. I pray for His blessings and leading in your life.

The Night Sky

This time here in Honduras has been difficult. It's been a struggle. Some days I've wanted it all to be over. Sometimes I didn't wan to face the day and others, I didn't know if I could. My fantasies, dreams and desires of what our time might look like left me in a blinding cloud of reality. Reality that sometimes life is hard and makes you wanna give up, that sometimes it makes your heart hurt so much you don't know what to do with yourself. Amidst the struggle I see a few twinkling victories. Stars in the night sky of struggle, given as reminders. Reminders that there is hope. A reminder that our struggle, our hurt, tears and grief aren't all for nothing. There is a bigger plan, a greater purpose. The black sky is all our difficult situations blurring together so that we can't pin point the individual struggles as easily, we just see struggle. But what we can see more clearly are tiny, shimmering dots of light. Each victory perfectly defined. They are the focus. Some even join together to create a bigger picture.

When you look up into the night sky of your life are you overwhelmed by the spanse of darkness or do you let your eyes use the black sky to contrast and illuminate the twinkling victories and joys?

If life was all a blue sky we wouldn't have the darkness- struggle and strife to hold our stars against. The question is: Will you chooose to let God use your struggles and victories create a beautiful picture for you to admire and enjoy?

Scorpion Stings And Other Things

Here's a litle of what's been going on lately....

-I'm feeling better thank you so much for all of your prayers!

-I got stung twice by a scorpion while I was sleeping, what a rude awakening that was!Thankfully they aren't poisonous so don't worry I'm okay! I now have a scorpion as a souvenir though haha! Please pray for me to be able to sleep at night without thinking about scorpions..!

- The squad leaves in one week. I can't believe how fast time has flown! It seems like they just got here. The girls and I have gone with one of the teams a couple times and it was nice to get to know them and meet their contacts. I have met so many wonderful people on the squad and made so many new friends. It will be hard to say goodbye!

-We have two weeks left here! Again, time has flown incredibly fast. It will be super hard to say good bye but I have a feeling all three of us girls will be back at some point so it's not good bye forever.

-Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat....! I just want to say that I am so excited for Christmas this year! I can't wait to be a part of the festivities at home this year!! It's strange to be here in the hot sun listening to Christmas music and planning all of our winter activities. It will be quite the shock when we get home haha.

-As always there is a lot going on in our lives.. of course the above only covers a few things on the surface. Please continue to pray for Tony and Nidia and their ministry. Pray for the boys to grow and mature in different parts of their lives as well as in their relationships with God. Pray for break through! Please pray for the squad as they finish their time here and transition to their next country and please pray for us as well as we finish our time here and transition home.

Again thank you so much for your support and prayers! You are a blessing to many :)

Life is Busy!

First of all, I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last update… I actually wrote one a few weeks
ago but never got the chance to post it.

A lot has been going on here in the past few weeks… We finished the womens bathrooms, the
kitchen, the pulperia (corner store), and got everything else spic and span ready for the squad. The squad is now here, all 52 of them now occupy the buildings we spent so much time preparing for them. It is a great feeling to see people everywhere, tents perched all over the lawn, and sleeping bags and hammocks filling a building that was once used for sin and is now being used to praise God. Wow. The squad has only been here a few days but I have already made some new friends and met some amazing people. I feel so blessed to be apartof this ministry. Nat, Kay, Tony and I finally got the pulperia all ready- named Tres Gringas (three white girls) after us haha. It seems to be quite a big hit and has helped break the ice. Yesterday we had giant line ups of people waiting to buy things!

On a sad note, a few weeks ago our dear friend Jimmi was killed in Los Pinos. Only 16 years of
age, he was beaten to death by 6 guys. The story is that Jimmi and his friend were super high and the 6 guys didn’t want them in their neighborhood so they picked up anything they could find, rocks, sticks and pipes and started throwing it at the boys. Jimmis friend ran and Jimmi was beaten to death. My heart broke with this news. While in Honduras last time I’d gotten the opportunity to spend time with Jimmi on the farm. He was a quiet but sweet kid. This
time, every time we drove into Los Pinos he was there to greet us. It is strange going there now knowing he’s dead. A week after it happened we had the opportunity to bring dinner for his family and a photo album full of pictures and bible verses. When the photo album was presented to Jimmi’s mom everyone swarmed her trying to see it. Sobs broke out. It was heartbreaking. After looking through the pictures his mom said that they were the very first pictures they’ve ever had of Jimmi. I cannot even imagine that. Please keep this family in your prayers! Pray also for Jimmi’s friend that got away. I can’t imagine what he is going through right now. We are asking God to turn this into a wake up call for the boys that do drugs and hold people up for
money.

We have about one month left here… it’s going to be so hard to leave. I love being apart of the
life here. I love serving and going to bed knowing that I worked hard for Jesus. Despite all of the challenges we face every day, despite all of the ways satan tries to pull us down, there are breakthroughs and miracles and God is moving in so many ways. I wouldn’t trade this time here for anything.

Prayer requests:

Healing for me, I haven’t been feeling well the past few days… fever, aches and pains,
exhaustion. I don’t want this to keep me down any longer!

Josue one of the boys that used to live with Tony and Nidia (Carlos’ and Fernando’s older
brother) is living on the streets doing all kinds of drugs. He has been on Tony and my hearts a lot the past few weeks… Today he was crying and telling Tony he wants to come back and live on the farm. This might not be an easy decision to make. Please pray for God to continue moving in his life and that God would tell Tony and Nidia what they should do.

Blessings upon our time with the squad, that God would just do incredible things through everyone.

THANK YOU so much for all of your support! :)

Darkness is everywhere. Evil flies through the night sky like a swarm of bats. My soul is tormented with the deepest sorrow and I can’t escape the suffocating cloud of heartache. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Everywhere I look there’s violence. Some get up only to fall back down again, crying out as their deep wounds ooze and fester. Yet the pain only puts fuel on the fire. It makes them angrier, and strangely gives them the boost they need to fight harder to cause more pain to others. To make someone hurt more than they do. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Satan prances around stealing children from their mothers. He disguises his tactics as satisfaction and the answer to all problems. He howls with laughter as he pulls the wool
over another pair of eyes- as he ruins lives one by one. Deadly destruction is in his wake. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Just when it seems like we’ve done all we can, when it seems like all hope is lost and we’re losing the battle, a glowing light appears on the horizon. A light so bright that everyone is blinded and the darkness instantly disappears. As the light gets closer it grows bigger and brighter. Though now blinded, the leader of the army tries even harder to fight against us. The war
is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

The glowing light finally reaches us. He begins to fight along side us but not in the way we thought. And maybe he was there all along but I was so focused on fighting the battle alone
that I never noticed. His presence gives me strength. I feel a love surround me so sweetly like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. My world is filled with light- the purest of lights. The war is
raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Inspired by his nearness I speak truth into the face of the leader in the opposing army. Suddenly I feel something around my waist and I look down to see a glimmering belt, I look up
surprised and I see the being in front of me stumble. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Feeling a little more confident I fight harder to bring righteousness to this earth and look down to my chest as I feel a heaviness thud against me. A golden breastplate adorns my figure. The army facing me looks a little taken a back but continue to stand their ground. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Peace engulfed me and would have knocked me off my feet but they were now planted so firmly on the ground. I knew the strength could not be of my own. As I got stronger though still
intense, the battle seemed less scary and the idea of winning seemed almost possible. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Seeing the changes in myself I felt my faith growing stronger. Excitement bubbled within me as I trusted Him more. Continuing to fight back I watched as the leaders face darkened with
furious anger, unsure why, I quickly realized that his fiery arrows were being blocked and having no affect on me. Looking down I see that I’m now holding a shield made of the thickest strongest metal. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

Now seeing the leader’s anger turn to shaking fear, I smiled having confidence in my Light. My prayers spun around him like a tornado forcing him to retreat from his stance. Then, no
longer able to stand up against the one who strengthens me, he took off running without a second thought. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart.

I am strong when using the full armor of God and can stand up against all who come at me. On my own I have no power to ward off the enemy, I have no strength to stand on my own. But when
I am backed up by the King of Kings, those against me don’t stand a chance. The war is raging- this battle is not for the faint of heart. I am not the faint of heart because the Holy Spirit is
inside of me, Jesus is alive in me and God is my strength. When I put on the full armor of God darkness disappears, evil flees and satan trembles in fear. So I should not let the devil get the upper hand by believing a lie that it’s hopeless and we’ve been defeated. I should not get discouraged but continue trusting in my savior who has all circumstances in the palm of His hand. Dios es siempre victorioso.

My Heart Is Smiling

Wow. The past two days have been muy loco (very crazy). Yesterday, after a day of pricing out
supplies and appliances, Tony got an urgent phone call. Ronnie and some other guys at the rehab center had broken out of the window that morning. An intervention was to be had. Prayers, tears and conversations smothered in emotions finally brought Ronnies decision to stay in Los Pinos with his family rather than go back to the center. Ronnie had only been in rehab for 2 weeks.

2 weeks of freedom- 2 weeks of change- 2
weeks of joy amidst struggle- 2 weeks of future dreams- 2 weeks of being clean.

 Right now Ronnie is surrounded by temptation. As far as we know he hasn’t stumbled. Praise the
Lord. He is staying with his mom’s sister and will hopefully be able to go to a different village to live with his grandparents. Much prayer is needed.

The phone call surprised me because every time we’ve gone to visit Ronnie he’s been so joyful
and making so much progress. I understand that this is all just a part of life but seeing him sobbing and making the decision not to go back was hard. I feel sad for my friend but I believe in him. I especially believe in Jesus who can work miracles, change ANY heart, and can turn anything bad into good for those who love him. Right now we just need to leave Ronnie in God’s hands. I need to.

Tony made a good point this morning that we can’t let this get us down because that’s exactly
what satan wants. We need to focus on who God is giving us right now in this moment- which was perfect because today we did exactly that!

Today was beyond lovely. My face reflects my smiling heart.

We met Fernandoafter his first day back at school and took him out for lunch. He told Tony
that he loves school and wants to go everyday now. He said he didn’t even carethat he had so much homework! He is so precious J Afterwards we brought him back into Los Pinos where he lives. We drove down, bouncing on the bumpy dirt roads. When we pulled up to the stairway that climbs the mountainside there were a few people to greet us.Tony turned off the car and we just visited with everyone who came by. I have so much love for these people. My heart was filled with joy as I
got to see many of them that I got close with last time and hadn’t seen yet since being here. I got to see my Carlitos, Fanni, Jennifer… the list goes on. It was so exciting for me to introduce my sisters to them. I love introducing people I love to more people I love! I even got to meet a couple of the moms of the kids we spend time with so that was neat.

I love how the minute Tony pulls up in Los Pinos, parks, and opens his doors people young and
old just filter out of the wood work to greet him. Tony is like a magnet forthis community. They absolutely love him and want him to love them back. And he does, very much so.

While we were there Fanni took us up the mountain to her house. What a trek. I can’t imagine
climbing that multiple times in a day especially in the rain. It’s a miracle we made it down without landing on our bottoms atleast once! Fanni lives in a house with her abuela (grandma) and her hermano (brother) Luis. Two little open rooms and a small kitchen make up their house. Pictures of them with WR friends adorned the walls as well as stuffed animals. Although it was not much compared to North American standards it was quaint, homey and filled with love. What more could we want? Maybe I shouldn’t ask that question haha… We stayed for about an hour and by the time we had to leave there were even more people milling around than before, a few in the car not wanting us to leave or for us to take them with us!

Thus, today has been wonderful. God is good. His ways are perfect even though they don’t always make sense to my mind. I’m excited to see what the rest of the week has in store. As far as tomorrow morning goes, my sisters and I will have the whole house to ourselves! Woot! No boys. Keep in mind, we love boys but are unused to so many all the time as we are used to only live with girls… and my dad I know I can speak for all of us in that we are excited for some peace and quiet.

Ps. Thanks for your support and encouraging words! All are greatly appreciated!